Hope, However Small

This first week of December, we are trying to focus on the Advent candle of hope. It is supposed to be a reminder that God fulfills his promises. Right now, my hope for my family is more like a small ember that is covered with ash.

There are times that we live in relative peace and hope around here. We have connection and a growing sense of family. We see change and evidence of emotional or mental growth in any or all of us. This year, we celebrated a birthday and one holiday without the normal mental or emotional meltdown that we experience by one or all of our kiddos.

On the other hand, we have had one child legitimately try to kill another one as part of an extreme bout of violence that lasted two weeks and made my husband and I fight again to trust that God has lead us on this journey with these three children. We struggle to understand the level of pain and abuse that they have experienced to cause such incredible lack of compassion and remorse.

And yet, we are reminded that we do not have to understand. It is not our job to heal the hurts of of the hearts of our children. Our hope is not in a miraculous diagnosis. Our hope in the future is not based on a new medicine that may subdue a mind pushed beyond healing. Our hope is built on God alone. Our hope is on the everlasting grace and healing power of our Lord.

Our life right now is the very definition of Matthew 11:28 and 29 – Come to me all who are weak and heavily burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. He needs to teach us how to overcome and how to stand up under the weight and stress of our current life. And, we are trusting that he will.

Some days, that hope is a raging fire that burns up all doubt. Some days, it is a flame that promises to never go out. Even today, with hope an ember covered with the ash of old dreams and fresh doubts, we still choose to trust.