Well. It has been a minute since I have written here. I would apologize but I am positive that COVID-19 has drastically impacted your life in a thousand ways as well.
Our oldest boy was gifted with a new diagnosis right before Christmas, Autism! We have been trying to identify what that means in his life, how to best support him, and our parent hearts had to mourn the potential for a “normal” future that could possibly be obtained with trauma therapy and healing. We are still so grateful and love our son so much it has just been a big adjustment. He went from having ADHD, Anxiety, PTSD, and Sensory Processing Disorder and now we are adding Autism. “Come on, God! We already struggle with parenting this kiddo. Now you throw this our way, too?!”
In January, we were just starting to settle into our new reality and I started having health issues. Ok, people, if you are taking mental health medications DO NOT just stop taking them. My prescriptions ran out and it took me 6 weeks to get into a new Primary Care Practitioner (PCP). I quite suddenly was plunged into serotonin deprivation which, I learned, is no joke. I started hearing my heartbeat in odd places, my sleep schedule went crazy, and I became an angry mama. Please, please, please do not do this to yourself.
On the plus side, it did get me into an ENT office clinic. 🙂 My thyroid has had goiters or big cysts in it since I was a late teenager. It was starting to bug me again and was becoming uncomfortable. While I was in the office talking about the weird heartbeat issue in my ears, I mentioned my thyroid in passing. “Oh,” he said, “that is enough of a problem that we can remove it, if you want. No question.” “Sure, it has been bugging me for more than 20 years. It would be nice to not have to worry about it.” Only, I do still have to worry about it as it turns out I have stage 2 cancer. “Come On, God! Isn’t my life tough enough? Adding CANCER and probably radiation to my summer to do list? Maybe more? How is that fair?”
Three weeks after my cancer diagnosis, I took my littlest dancer into a general health appointment. I came out of that appointment with new labels and specialist appointments. ADHD and ODD with OT and Speech Therapy referrals. My princess has been a shrieking shrew for months now. We can tell her to do something she is demanding to do and she will refuse because we told her to do it. “The sky is not blue today, Mom, there are clouds in the sky.” (You know, the fluffy white ones that make the blue sky look so beautiful?) “What!?! How can we handle this on top of all the other things that you are throwing our way, God? Come on!!”
When I look back on the last six months, there are two different ways at looking at what has happened. The first one is to focus on the calamity. We have had very big scary names introduced to our home that have intruded on our reality: Autism, Cancer, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, and an untold number of doctor and therapy appointments looming in the future. Learning new parenting techniques, communicating them to the hubby so we are on the same side, and just learning about the disorders is a full time job! This on top of homeschooling 3 kiddos which is already a full time job, especially with behavior disorders. “Come On, God!!”
The second way of looking at our last six months is to focus on the wonder and grace of God. We have been looking into why the strategies that should have been helping Teen Man that have been failing him instead. We have taken him to five therapists, five agencies, and finally in this last place have been matched up with a mental health Nurse Practitioner that HAS AUTISM! Only God could have worked that out. “Come On, God! That was awesome!”
It is horrible to find out I have cancer. However, God has revealed it in probably the best way possible! The survival rate for thyroid cancer is 85% unless… 1) You are over 45 (I am 41), 2) There are nodes on both sides. (I actually had nodes on both sides but one side was 0.15 cm and removal of my thyroid was sufficient to consider it “cured.”) IF, I hadn’t gone into withdrawal in January, the likelihood of my thyroid being removed this year was miniscule. My second node would have grown and I would likely be considered stage 3 or 4 by the time it was discovered. “Come On, God, that is amazing! Thank you for looking out for me and my family!!”
My youngest’s Oppositional Defiance Disorder or ODD has already been controlling our family. Her behavior has been escalating to a dangerous level. She is taking off for hours at a time to play at friend’s houses after being told no. She will deliberately go to houses that we don’t know about so we cannot find her. Any real consequence results in retaliation (ex: destroying almost all of my lipstick). This behavior has needed a label so we can learn how to manage it because NOTHING has been working. “You have heard the desperate cry of our parent heart, God. You deserve ALL of the praise. Come On, God, help us make an impact on her heart for your kingdom.”
Which “Come On” will you focus on? The cry of doubt, fear, and anger? Or the shout of celebration, faith, and partnership with the work that God is doing in you and through you? According to Galatians 6:9 – And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
God is calling you to join Him. “Come On! I have life of hope, peace, and joy for you even in the midst of this less than perfect life.”
Dandelion Lives 